Posts Tagged With: saying no

Boundaries!

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Hello fitness friends! Tonight I wanted to talk to you about something that will improve your emotional health and wellness. It’s called boundaries.

Boundaries are the parameters we set up with other people to let them know what’s allowed and what is not allowed. Boundaries keep us from being used, violated, mistreated, overworked, or burned out. Stress is a killer. A lack of boundaries leads to stress!

We determine what we allow and what we won’t allow in our lives. We are also called to learn and respect the boundaries of other people.

So how do you establish boundaries? Here are some practical tips.

1. Say no to things that violate your conscience, morals, goals, or are harmful.

Sometimes you have to say no to what’s good to have something that’s great. Every opportunity is not the best opportunity. You have the right to say no.

2. Figure out what makes you uncomfortable and speak your truth.

I’m not advocating complaining, being a know it all, or pushing your opinions on people. I am advocating telling people not to stop by unannounced, to not call after certain times, to keep their hateful opinions to themselves, to mind their own business, to do their own work, to treat you with respect…don’t allow people to dump on you. If you can’t stop the behavior with words, you can walk away. I’ve walked away from people who like to argue or are disrespectful. They can talk to themselves.

3. Set the standard.

People see how you treat yourself and how you talk to yourself. Treat yourself well and as though you are valuable. You have tremendous value and so do others.

4. Don’t let negative or toxic people take up most of your space.

A good way to stop the negativity or complaining is to ask the person, “What are you going to do about your problem?” or “I’d love to hear what’s going well in your life!” There’s nothing wrong with listening to a friend vent. If you continue to allow people to dump their problems on you, you will end up stressed, whether you feel it consciously or not.

5. Seek balance.

Working too much, giving too much, taking too much, eating or drinking too much…all stretch boundaries. Balance and moderation is key. Too much of a good thing can be just as toxic as the wrong thing.

Boundaries don’t make you a diva or a selfish jerk. Boundaries mean you respect yourself and others. The best way to cut back on stress is to set boundaries. Don’t violate others boundaries and don’t allow others to violate your boundaries.

Life requires balance and boundaries. Health requires balance and boundaries. Wishing you a well balanced life!

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Categories: Emotional Health, Mental Health, Spiritual Health | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

The Beginning

It all started with exhaustion…

You know you are tired when no amount of sleep helps. You go to bed tired. You wake up tired. You live tired. I tried running because maybe my body needed a more strenuous workout to prep it for slumber. Epic failure! I was simply exhausted. The doctor’s said, “You’re fine. Your blood work is normal. There is nothing physically wrong with you.” Well, there was something wrong. Here’s the list of the culprits that were draining my life of energy. Maybe you will see the same issues in your life.

1. My high stress job. I won’t complain, as I am thankful to be employed. However, stress if not managed will cause damage to your health and immune system.

2. Poor nutrition. Yes, I was one of those people who ate what was quick and felt lousy because of poor choices with food.

3. Lack of relaxation. Along with my job, I was also hosting and leading a women’s group, volunteering in the community, working on writing books, and not taking time for myself. I rarely had time alone, and there was no real chill time. And my body was ticked off about it.

4. Toxic relationships. Some people we can not get away from, like family. Other’s we have to pick and choose. If you surround yourself with people who are negative, pessimistic, doom and gloom, continually gossip about people, are hot-tempered, etc…your body will respond to it as stress.

5. Lack of water. I am a Researcher. I don’t have the liberty all the time to run out to the ladies room. It’s not possible. So, dehydration became a way of life. We need water to live and survive.

How do you get out of the rut? It starts with a decision. Do you want the best life possible? Are you willing to do what it takes to have that life? If so, then make a decision to change. The change starts with you. You can’t force other people to change, but you can change yourself.

How did I do it? I started with taking things off my schedule and my plate. I resigned from my women’s group. Attendance had diminished, and I was putting far more effort into than I should. I started drinking water. Seventy Five (75) days ago I gave up sugar, processed foods, white bread, white rice, high glycemic foods, and switched to whole foods. I started arranging my work schedule so there were breaks, and I could eat every 4 hours. I started taking classes such as Krav Maga, boxing, and even going to a massage therapist. I stopped spending time with people who were dragging my spirit into the dumps or treating me like a garbage can (i.e. gossiping about others). I surrendered busyness, and set firm boundaries with people. Sometimes, you have to say no! Do you hear me? NO! No, I can not help you. No, I cannot be there for you. No, I cannot add another activity to my plate. It feels selfish, but if you don’t learn balance, you will kill yourself. You’ll die, everyone else will keep on living.

Dear friends, the world is an amazing place waiting to be explored. What on earth are you waiting for? Ask yourself, “What am I doing to live the best life possible?” The choice is up to you. No one can live life for you. You have to make a decision, and set your eyes on the prize! Be kind to yourself. You cannot love your neighbor as yourself, if you don’t love yourself.

Categories: Emotional Health, Fitness, Mental Health | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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